Right back where we started

Ever feel like you're fighting as hard as you can to end up right back where you started? When Tulla was five months old that's what happened to us. The colder winter weather was starting to get behind us as we approached spring. She woke up on a Saturday afternoon from a nap and sounded terrible. My mama instincts had me on high alert. It wasn't that she was sick. Her breathing was usually loud and congested.

It was the way she sounded like she was fighting for every breath.

She was snorting, but not like "I'm hungry," more like "I can't breathe" with an intensity I've never heard in a baby before.

I didn't feel like she could go in a car seat if her breathing was wrong. I could have called an ambulance, but then who would watch my boys? I needed someone to stay with them. Tulla wasn't turning blue or anything, so I didn't think she was in any immediate danger.

I called my in-laws (thank goodness for family nearby!). Grandma stayed to watch the boys and Grandpa drove us to the ER. It felt familiar and foreign at the same time. Tulla was all smiles and breathing much easier by then. We figured it would be a matter of observing her for a while and going home. But this time, I had gotten smart and packed an overnight bag, just in case we ended up back in the children's hospital an hour away.

The ER nurse was so sweet, reassuring me that coming in was a good call, even if Tulla looked perfectly healthy at that moment. They put the pulse-ox on her and swabbed for the common viral illnesses. We were waiting on labs and biding our time. Then I tried feeding her. If you've read my post, When feeding isn't simple, you know the struggles I've had with her eating at this point.

Her oxygen immediately started dropping - Hypoxia. The ER doctor started making phone calls.

The children's hospital we had previously been admitted to didn't have a pediatric ENT department.

They had to look at hospitals farther away.

My husband finished work and met us in the ER. He stayed with us for the next four hours. My father-in-law grabbed us dinner. We waited for a special ambulance and team from the children's hospital. She needed infant specific breathing equipment that wasn't in most ambulances. Since she was stable, they chose to wait for the children's hospital team to transport her.

I settled in for the longest, most uncomfortable ambulance ride ever. I wasn't able to sit in the back with her, so I was up front by the driver. It was after 8:00 before we left for the hospital. She cried for the first half hour, slept a while, and cried the last 45 minutes. They wouldn't feed her during transport so I was sure she was hungry. It was after 2:00 in the morning before I was settled with Tulla in the room.

It was a different hospital, but the same situation. My baby wasn't breathing right and nobody could tell me why. I met with more doctors in the morning. Another team for Tulla. They assured me that this time I wouldn't leave without answers.