The G tube event

Right now, my heart is pounding out of my chest.

Right now, my breath is rapid and shallow.

The procedure has been described to me as straightforward with minimal risk.

Tulla is still going back without me and under sedation.

I'll still be in the waiting room alone.

So I'm trying to calm my nerves, because she doesn't need to feel that kind of nervous energy. She doesn't understand what's going on, or what's about to happen.

That makes me feel guilty all over again. Like when she fell asleep in my arms while she was waiting for her scope a few weeks ago but woke up miserable in a bed without me. Her little voice raw and quiet.

This time she's going to wake up without her NG tube in her nose. But a wound on her side. We can't warn her about it, or the pain that's coming. We can't explain that it's for her benefit, so that she can get the nutrition she needs.

But she's sitting on my lap right now completely snuggly and content, all smiles for the world.

So I lay it down at the foot of the cross. I'm trying to leave my anxiety there, and take on the strength of Jesus instead. He is powerful, and the heavenly father surrounds us.

I pray for a quick surgery without complications. I pray that she heals quickly.

Thank you for following along with Team Tulla! By now, you've probably caught up on our journey, several hospitalizations, swallow studies, and the progress we've made so far. If not, it's all there for you to read through if you'd like.

Today is the day she gets her G tube placed. This will replace her nasal tube with a simpler, more direct way of feeding into her stomach. This freaks me out a bit, not going to lie, but I'm happy it will be better for her. It will help her to practice eating orally with fewer complications.

So even though I'm nervous, I know it's what's best. Tulla is a strong little girl, and so filled with joy. She teaches me every day not to let circumstances get you down. I'm letting that be my inspiration. I'll let you guys know how everything goes! Thanks for reading my morning rambling. If you think of it today, please pray for her (and for my nerves).