Mental load and open loops - even my lists have lists

Tulla has had a pretty quiet week. We're still talking with her doctors about adjusting her reflux medication because she seems to be more uncomfortable with her feeds lately. Other than that, we haven't had many changes to report.

I've been reading a lot about mental load. It refers to the things that rattle around in your brain and take up your emotional and mental energy. As a mom, I see it as the things you think about but nobody sees. Things like laundry, meal planning, scheduling dentist visits, worrying if your kids are getting enough sleep, or that they're well-adjusted... Those lists and problems that go on repeat rent-free in your mind. In my mind.

I think the general consensus is that moms have a disproportionately large mental load. I like to say that my lists have lists!

I was also reading an article (don't ask where, because references are not my strong suit) discussing how the brain works in loops. Each task or thought is its own loop. Ongoing or unfinished tasks are called open loops. Open loops work like tabs in a browser. When you have too many tabs open, the whole system slows down. If there are too many, it might even crash and need a reboot.

When I step back and put that into the context of my life, it puts a lot into perspective. I am a mom of four children. Parenting alone fills a lot of my time with a lot of loops. There are the household tasks like planning meals and cooking them, shopping, keeping the house somewhat clean (or at least not gross, right?), laundry, pet care... Oh yeah, I thought it would be fun to start a garden this year too! I'm excellent at growing weeds. That is already so much to manage.

Then you add Miss Tulla to the mix. I spend seven hours a day feeding her and cleaning up after her feeds. I'm supposed to sleep at least eight hours a night, but one of those feeding sessions is overnight. So I probably get about six hours, if I'm lucky. I'm also pumping between feeds so she has enough to eat. There are pump parts and bottles to clean, which takes away more time. That's about 15 of every 24 hours already accounted for without any of the other loops. There's managing her doctor visits and arranging care for her brothers during the appointments that would be too hard to bring them along to.

These are just the tangible things. It doesn't take into account worrying about her reflux getting worse, how she sounds, or stressing about her getting sick again. It can be overwhelming. Is it any wonder I'm exhausted all the time with all these open loops? I feel like a computer with too many programs open.

I've got a lot of thoughts running through my head. I'm wrestling with trying to find balance and still do all the things I have to do. How do I make everything happen without burning out? Are there loops I can close? What if I can't close any of them? Is there another way to keep them from taking up so much mental energy?

This is what I've set out to answer for myself, and I'm taking you along with me. The obvious solution is to close loops. Take things off the list. My problem is that I don't feel like there are any extra or unnecessary ones I can close. I feel like being aware of all the things and listing them out helps me give myself grace for the things that remain unfinished. While there are continuous loops that must be done daily, there are tasks that only need to be completed a few times a week or once a week.

On our way to church the other week, my youngest son asked me why we go to church on Sunday and take the day off work. We explained how God made the world in six days, but on the seventh he rested. God did this to give an example of how we should live our lives. When we rest as He modeled for us, we can refocus on living our lives the way God wants us to. He knows we have limited energy and abilities, and we need that time to reset and regroup.

All this has me thinking maybe that is part of the key. I need to take a few hours at the beginning of the week to plan and regroup. I can decide which days I'll clean, what meals I want to make for the week, and write out my grocery list. That way, I don't have to think about those tasks all week long. It doesn't close the loops permanently, but it lessens the mental load of them. It keeps them from being a constant drain throughout the week.

I'm starting with those for now. It isn't a perfect solution, but I think it's a good place to start. So that's my plan for this week at least. To enter it as prepared as I can be, so that I don't have as much on my plate for the day-to-day. Hopefully, this will help me feel less overwhelmed and better able to meet all my children's needs.

I hope you found something in here helpful for yourself, too!

Feel free to drop any tips and tricks you've found in the comments.